Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Let's try this again...

(And life. Life rules.)

2 months later and here I am.


This blog was something I took on with the idea that I would continue to document this very-weird-often-messy-always-chaotic-sometimes-lovely time in my life. I told myself I wouldn't tuck away when things got hard or when the real world loomed too large. I would valiantly continue to write through every misstep, every difficult moment, every awkward night where I ate an entire box of macaroni and cheese alone while watching "Hoarders".

And then I didn't.

A close friend of my family died tragically and suddenly, and then it seemed like writing in the dark about my marriage and boo-hooing over not getting to see him every day was incredibly selfish and pointless. I entered a writing rut that bled into the actual writing I had to do for school. When I turned in a paper that had the following statement: "Helen Keller was blind. And that was bad. Being blind is hard." I knew I needed an intervention.

As life moved on, however haltingly, I started hearing from friends about this project I had tossed aside. Encouragements about blogging again poured in, but I felt like I simply couldn't. Nights were spent sitting with family in the weeks after our friend's death, drinking scotch until the early hours and leaning on each other for support. We would laugh once and awhile, but nothing was funny. My world pulled tightly around the loved ones in my life and my focus shifted inward. Was I really making use of the gift of my existence? It wasn't about if I was spending this year growing and learning and laughing my way through the stumbles. I needed to spend my life doing that.

It then became incredibly clear that the blog was not selfish, it was important. It was an intrinsic part of my world because it reminded me that I had to live. My situation may not be ideal, but I am alive. I had to learn how to laugh again. I had to learn how to embrace my bumps along the road and try and find the humor in them. Maybe blogging every day about being depressed, being happy, feeling insane, feeling sexy, feeling like I need to stop eating things covered in cheese dust was frivolous- but it is my experience on this planet that is not going to be wasted.

After this blog post, I will go back to the normal stuff. The funny bits, if you will. This week you will get a blog post from me that is probably awkward, mostly obnoxious, and hopefully a reminder that we are all lucky and loved and pulsing with life.

So, I'm back.

And hopefully better than ever.


  1. I am sorry about your loss. While it is very difficult to keep going, nothing is more important. They would want nothing more for us to keep going. Words are everything, emotion, love, forgiveness and most of all memory. Maybe share a story about this love one in your next blog. They are never really gone so long as we remember them. Honor them and their memory by continuing to live you life to the fullest. A strength that still continues with me everyday.

    1. What a gorgeous and much needed comment. I will do JUST that! Thank you. Thank you so much.

  2. Back and better than evah. So glad.